Imagine you’re in the middle of a yoga class doing a tricky one leg balance, and then your vagina lets out a noise that sounds like a truck backfiring.
Yes, whenever a vagina farts and behaves like a dirty little stinker it’s awkward and almost always embarrassing.
If you don’t believe me then listen to this one…
However, if you’re looking for an example of a life-changing, soul rearranging queef, vaginal fart, vaginal gas, or even a “vart,” then look no further than the British Home Secretary, Priti Patel.
Seriously folks, her queefs are legendary.
A rare cause of vaginal flatulence is a condition known as vaginal fistula. A fistula is an abnormal opening which connects the vagina to another organ, such as the bladder, colon, or rectum.
However, in Priti’s case it has connected with her tongue!
That’s right everyone, Priti Patel’s flatus snatchus can actually talk now.
If you get up close and listen really carefully you can hear it whispering words like – vote for me or better put your mask on.
Unfortunately for Priti, the COVID-19 virus was all ears too so it decided to set up camp inside her bootylicious vagina as well.
(Just like it has already done in Diana Abbot’s, Nancy Pelosi’s and Megan Markle’s.)
Now this is an entirely new variant of the Coronavirus.
It is known as the Corvid-19 Farticus/Fistula strain and it has invaded Priti’s once perfect vulvarine.
Because this strain can talk it would only agree to leave Priti’s flactuant fur-burger if she satisfied a few conditions.
These conditions included Priti passing her Level 12 masturbation exam, learning to spell her own name in algebra and understanding more about Jessica Rabbit.
And yes, I know what you’re thinking – is there any truth in the aforementioned nonsense?
You can file your Freedom of Information request here –> https://www.gov.uk/make-a-freedom-of-information-request
And on that note I leave you with a recording of Priti’s latest speech in Parliament.
Thank you very much!
Author: Michael W