You may not think that it is possible to make Boris Johnson look worse than he already does.

This is the man who tells barefaced lies in pretty much every interview he gives and a man who is unwilling to identify how many children he has spawned – that is, if he actually knows the answer.

This is also the very same man who maintained that he did not twiddle knobs with busty technology entrepreneur Jennifer Acuri.

The truth of the matter is that Boris and Jennifer have been canoodling, hand-noodling, mouth-noodling, crotch-noodling and every other kind of noodling all over London town – and they’ve been doing so for years.

However there is some good news to come out of this manky mess.

It seems that Jennifer and Boris have invented a new type of re-usable energy. And it’s free!

The energy comes from a new invention created by Jennifer. They’ve called it the auto-tosser and registered a patent.

How Does It Work?

Essentially Jennifer’s auto-tosser is a small device which Boris puts down his underpants. The device then grips his penis and is activated by thought control chips (originally developed by Elon Musk) inserted into both their brains.

This means that Jennifer can now masturbate Boris’s funny little boner from anywhere in the world – using only the power of her thoughts.

Now this is what social distancing is all about!

Re-Usable Energy?

If Boris is having an auto-toss while holding his electric tooth brush he gets his teeth cleaned at the same time. Boris can even use his auto-tosser to turn the micro-wave on.

Now they are working on how Boris can use his auto-tosser to turn Kier Starmer into a gibbering red mess. I think they’ve succeeded.

What Are The Draw Backs?

Given that the auto-tosser is a thought control device one of the software glitches is that it also controls whatever comes out of Boris’s mouth.

Now you know why Boris sounds like he has a french letter strapped to his vocal cords and why his facial expressions resemble Jennifer trying to push a jumbo tampon up her bum without using her hands! 

Author: Michel W