If prince Andrew could make up a few new laws then there would probably be no VAT on man heels, all anti-depressants would be turned into bum numbing lube, claiming under-age porn on your tax return would get you an extra deduction and Sadiq Khan would have his citizenship revoked.

But Randy Andy doesn’t make the laws, his mummy does.

As a side note here’s three fishy laws which queenie and her ancestors have already created:

  • All beached whales and sturgeons must be offered to the reigning monarch.
  • It is illegal to handle a salmon in suspicious circumstances.
  • The eating of swans is considered a treasonous crime.

Really, those laws are actually on our statute books!

Anyway Randy Andy would need to understand the existing law of the land before he could introduce anything new.

Pfft, who am I kidding? That cretin would be happy just to outlaw the Pizza Express in Woking.

Seriously, can you imagine sending him off to visit legislation.gov.uk – just watch the confused look on his face as he tries to figure out which county that’s in.

Let’s face it the queen has bigger balls than Randy Andy does when it comes to making up royal rules.

No, queenie doesn’t give a royal fwuck.

But now the time has come for queenie to roll up her sleeves and do some real work.

Yeah it’s time for Randy Andy to pass the ‘duchy to the left-hand side’ and give up using the title of HRH.

Seriously, if Megan and Harry had to give up their titles for defecting, then it’s only fair that Andrew should give his up for being defective.

If that were ever to happen then Andrew could beg one last favour from mumsy. In order to maintain a last modicum of dignity he might ask her to knight him.

That way, we get to call him Sir Sweats-A-Lot!

Author: Michael W

Note: The lack of capital letters used for the words prince, queen, royal, and monarch is absolutley deliberate.